I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
