remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
