Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im holly from the hills drunk
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
