we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
