we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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