Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
