Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
