I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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