I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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