kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is Oprah even human
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
