She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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