talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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