I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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