oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
