i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
