There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
