I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
