I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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