Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I wear drunk well.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
