we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What drink are we having for lunch?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Terrible idea I love it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize