my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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