i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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