New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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