Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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