MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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