rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
