Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
