She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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