I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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