Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
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It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.