You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
