dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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