I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?