I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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