Do you still have your period?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".