i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
