i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright