id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My dad is sitting where you rode me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
