Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
