he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
