is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
