im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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