Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
