Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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