only if we run a train.
done.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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