Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
