Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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