Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i now understand why vodka
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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