Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
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I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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