And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
