my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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