You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
