I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
