I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
