Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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