Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
