this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
