nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I AM VODKA MAN
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
