He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
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Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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