I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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