just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
