Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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