Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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