im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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