you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
