hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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