I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
