just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
