I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
