I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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