I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize