he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
