Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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