You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
