a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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