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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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