i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
