She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
