Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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