Nicole vs. Life
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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