if i can run in heels then i can drive
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
