I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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