He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
