whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish I only lived at night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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