You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
