I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
