So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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