be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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