I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
