whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
