Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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